"I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In Your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on . . ."

Lifehouse, Broken

GUMBY

My fear of clay animation started when I saw Mr. Bill holding a butcher knife on Saturday Night Live. Gumby gave me the creeps.

As a Project Manager, I get very tense and annoyed when plans change.

I am working on being more flexible.

So when I get fired up about a change of plans, I tell myself to be flexible like Gumby. I guess he's not so bad.

 I think I might need a different sidekick though. Pokey just doesn't sound right. :)

Girls Night!

Last month I started my first Girls Night with the female music team volunteers at Cross Point. This is a time where we can encourage and spend quality time with one another. It is also a place where we can dialog about where the music ministry is headed and how we can confidently lead people to WANT to worship a God who loves them.

This gathering began out of my journey of living many years in a state of discouragement. I have always battled insecurities, especially in the area of my gifts and abilities. Even if I succeeded at some things musically, I held on to every "No" I received and replayed those failures in my head. When I moved to Nashville, I felt as though I could never measure up. When I auditioned for the music team in the spring of 2006 I was asked to serve in KidStuff and Charge. I served on the Sunday worship team only a handful of times and always compared myself to everyone on the team and beat myself up if I missed a note. 

This attitude hindered my ability to lead. 

When I was asked to join the staff at Cross Point in the Spring of 2007, I can remember putting the music schedule together, wishing I could sing a special or lead a song. I was serving in KidStuff weekly and Charge a couple of times a month but that wasn't good enough for me. 

My heart was discouraged. 

The turning point came when Jarrod explained the audition process before we hosted our first audition together. He said that every ministry on the music team is important and people should serve with open, willing hearts. 

SLAP IN THE FACE! 

I was leading this team and had the wrong motivation and attitude. I started to change my mindset. Jenni would hold me accountable and praise me when she saw growth. I realized that no matter where God has me I need to serve with my whole heart. God began to open doors for me to grow and learn. The chains are slowly breaking so I can lead people to experience HIM! My heart is now open, vulnerable and awakened. I am so proud of our team of vocalists for serving in (formerly) KidStuff, FX, Sunday worship, Choir and Charge. And for not just doing that at ONE campus but MANY!

As I shared my story with the girls on our team, I could see their guards go down. Many of them felt the same way I did. This has become an unspeakable struggle. 

We do the following things:
-Suck it up and bury our feelings 
-Try harder until we . . .
-Quit trying 

-Resist honest feedback and growth

-Get jealous

-Become critical

-Wish we sounded like ______
 

What Girls Night looks like:

*The foundation of our time together is Galatians 6:4-5 
"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." 

*We each have a girl on the team to encourage and pray for.

*We will send encouraging notes to other music teams in the Nashville area and beyond!

*We are studying the Bible together using the Life Journal plan. We can't grow as worship leaders if we aren't growing spiritually!

*We will discuss ways to prepare when we are leading.

*We will learn about the foundation and intention of worship through song and how we can lead to the best of our ability.

Tonight is our 2nd Girls Night and I am so excited to see God continue to tear down walls in this group of talented volunteers. 

Thanks for your prayers and support!

Journals

Today I gave my sweet friend Moriah a journal for her birthday. I encouraged her to write out her thoughts, prayers, dreams, and musical aspirations.

I had a moment of sadness giving it to her because I lost all of my journals in the flood. When I was Moriah's age my journals were all about boys. :) But as the years went by I used them to articulate my prayers, memorize scriptures and write songs. I loved to read my old journals and see where God had taken me!

I had the opportunity to sit in all the services today. I was able to let go and worship without distraction. During Blake's prayer he challenged us to praise God for the mountains we are facing.

My head was pounding. 

During the next time of praise, lines from my journal started coming back to me.

I remembered a line from a poem I wrote 10 years ago when I first started having chronic pain. I had hoped to make it into a song:

"Even though my body is battered and weak

I will not let it contain 

Your love within me."

I was thankful the Lord reminded me of the mountains I had overcome AND He is still with me on the mountains I am currently facing.

God, thank you for being SOVEREIGN.

Psychology, Music and Mass Communications

I entered college as a Psychology Major and a Music Minor. I wanted to be a counselor or a music teacher. I am terrible at math and science, so I failed miserably in my first psychology classes and theory 1. 2nd semester of my freshman year I dropped the music minor and tried to stay afloat in my psychology courses.

At the beginning of my sophomore year my mom asked if I ever thought about the media/communications field. I did some research and 2nd semester of my sophomore year I became a Mass Communications major and a Psychology minor. :)

I fell in love with the communications field. I enjoyed public relations and advertising the most and was able to use what I learned in psychology to determine target markets and trends. 

I was challenged one day with this question, "How do you expect to make a difference for Christ when you'll work in a field where ethics are constantly challenged and your job is to make things appear better than they really are?" 

Well, when you put it that way . . . I didn't have an answer. 

I graduated college in 2005 and pursued a career in the public relations field. 

No luck. 

But something happened in the Spring of 2007. I got a call from Jenni Catron at Cross Point about a job opening in the creative department.

3 1/2 years ago I started my journey at Cross Point managing and equipping the music and production teams and helping out with media/communications. I spend my days as a project manager, managing all of the marketing, print, & web jobs our department produces for the church. We help with creative direction for series. We also consult other ministry areas on how to market their events and projects. :)

I recently connected with one of my professors from OBU and was able to share that I get to use the things I studied in college in a church setting. Today I can say with confidence that my job in the mass communications field makes a difference for Christ.

Alanis an Inspiration?

I will never forget the first time I heard Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill album. My musical soul was awakened and her sound has greatly influenced mine. I discovered the Jagged Little Pill acoustic album a couple of years ago. There is a haunting version of "Mary Jane."

I listened to the lyrics for the first time. I felt the Lord speaking to me:

"Tell me Miranda, what's the matter?  Why do you roam this earth aimlessly?  Why do you waste this life and invest in things that drain your heart?"

The song shifts when she sings, "You're a sweet crusader." 

This is the turning point. 

This is when you start walking towards to light with purpose, falling at the Lord's feet.

"Mary Jane"
What's the matter Mary Jane, had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it

I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for

Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears

You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane...

"Still there's one thing that comforts me since I was always caged and now I'm free!"

Foo Fighters, Monkey Wrench