Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Plot Complication

I was a healthy kid. My sweet sister was the sick one, always battling a cold or infection. The only ailment that bothered me was headaches. I would get them a couple of times a year. I learned how to swallow adult pills at age 6.

I also had mild seizures growing up. I would see flashing lights in my head when I closed my eyes and experience metallic tastes in my mouth. I had a Complex Partial Seizure at age 10 and had many tests run. All of them came back normal.

When I was 17, I started having headaches frequently. I had more tests run and once again they came back normal. Over the past 10 years these headaches have taken over my life. It is rare that I have a good day with no pain. I've seen lots of doctors, had lots of tests run and tried lots of treatments. It is still unknown what causes my pain. I am currently in treatment for Temporomandibular joint disorder. My headaches remain the same although my joints are working better.

I recently discovered that singing and leading worship intensifies my headaches and pain. Opening and closing my mouth repetitively and moving my arms and body is hard on me.

But, leading worship is a part of my calling.

I could get mad at God. 
I could give up. 
I could loose hope.

I had a conversation with my dear friend Tiffany today. She helped me realize that while I am leading worship, I have to depend on God. I am not in control of those moments. He has to give my body strength as I lead and healing after the fact. 

Today, I am thankful it doesn't come "easy" for me. I still cling to the hope that one day I will be healed.

So, this Sunday at Cross Point Bellevue, I will lead with "arms high and heart abandoned."


  1. Hi, Just came over from Pete's blog - he kindly sent us your way.

    I have a girlfriend who's song ministry we support financially and prayerfully. She also has tmj disorder, and leading worship this last week, was in so much pain she thought she was going to die. Her response was to this was "Great, if I die I go from glory to Glory!" and kept worshipping, but also going into warfare through praise and worship. (She was leading at a healing service.)

    We have come to the conclusion that her songwriting and music ministry is such a powerful tool of God that the enemy is trying to shut her down with pain. At one point she felt as though there was a knife in the back of her head but as she praised, it lifted.

    I guess I'm just trying to say, don't ever let the pain prevent you from worshiping God. The enemy would love to have that happen. He's already lost, let's keep reminding him of that little fact!

    Keep praising, writing and singing.

  2. Thank you Chelle for the encouragement. I will press on in the name of Jesus.