Cultivate Her Day!

It's a Cultivate Her blog post day! Click HERE to check out my thoughts on Constructive Criticism and tour the blog to read more insightful posts from women leaders. This ministry is challenging and encouraging women to pursue great things!

I'm Sensitive

There is a song by Jewel that I relate to:

"I was thinking that I might fly today

Just to disprove all the things that you say

It doesn't take a talent to be mean

You words can crush things that are unseen

So please be careful with me,

I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."

But I DON'T want to stay that way.

Being sensitive is a hindrance when you work with a team of boys. :) I often get frustrated when my feelings are hurt and I can't shake it.

Being sensitive encourages me to hold grudges, take things personally and avoid constructive criticism.

Being sensitive affects my relationships in a negative, destructive way.

I think I will sing a different version of this song from now on:

"I was thinking that I might fly today

Because I appreciate many things that you've said

Everyone's intention is not mean

Words can build things that are unseen

So please be patient with me,

I'm sensitive, but I don't have to stay that way."

Creativity Is In My DNA

I had no choice.

I was born with the creative gene. 

Both of my parents are artists. Both of them are creative. 

They are excellent portrait artists and skilled painters. My dad can figure out how to fix or remodel ANYTHING! My mom is so good at decorating. You should see her home and her classroom at school.

My house is now full of artwork that my parent's have drawn.

My mom drew this when I was a baby. The original is in my Gran & PePaw's house. I love it because I look so happy! 

The next drawing was a wedding present from my dad.

I got this last one from my dad yesterday. He drew it from a picture I took a little over a month ago. I couldn't believe he finished it that quick. The detail on it is amazing!  

Although I can't draw or paint like them, I am thankful some of their talent was passed down to me. :)

The Leading Man

9 years ago I met a boy named Jason. We worked at the same work-study job and one day we had the same shift.

I thought he was cute and overheard him say he was going to a Liberal Arts study session that night. I was going too so I asked if he would go with me. We left the study session because it was lame and decided to grab a bite to eat. We spent the next 3 hours at Burger King. :)

And as they say, the rest is history.

Jason is a static character in my musical. He doesn't change. He is the most calm, easy going person I know.

He loves adventure! He can play the guitar, bass and piano. He can sing. He is a great athlete. He is very intelligent. And funny!

My mother thinks he can do NO wrong.

I'm pretty lucky he is a part of my musical. As I continue to develop in this character arc, I am thankful he is by my side, loving me unconditionally.

To Cut or Not to Cut

I have been growing my hair out for two years.

I like how I look with long hair but find it easier to fix when it is short. :)

My sister is getting married is January and I'm thinking about cutting my hair after the wedding. 

Any thoughts for the leading lady?

(photo by Joe Gomez)

 

    (Photo by Joe Gomez)

I Almost Skipped Thanksgiving

This weekend I wanted to start decorating for Christmas. 

When I presented this idea to Jason (I had already written it in my planner) he said, "No! You can't just skip over Thanksgiving!"

I got in the Christmas spirit because I knocked out 75% of our Christmas shopping last weekend.

And one of my love languages is gifts.

Honestly, I like buying people gifts more than receiving them. It brings me so much joy to remember something a friend or family member said they liked or wished they had. I also love the challenge of finding them something that will match their personality or style. 

I was anxious to put the Christmas tree up so I could place all my gifts under the tree. :)

But for now, I will focus my attention on turkey, dressing, congealed cranberries and family.

This is definitely a year to give thanks.

"You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn"

ALANIS MORISSETTE, "You Learn"

A Night of Surrender

Worship Night was beautiful. My prayer is that we will remember what we felt, heard and saw and carry that into our daily lives as we worship God. 

Not just on Sunday. 

Not just in a packed house on a night we label, Worship Night.

Check out this recap from my friend Brittany's blog. Great insight and stunning photos. 

I'm Not Afraid

This Summer while driving to Texas to visit my family, I heard a song that took my breath away. The song was "Show Me Your Glory" sung by Kim Walker.

I was sobbing by the first pre-chorus:

I see the cloud.

I step in.

I want to see Your Glory as Moses did.

Flashes of light.

Rolls of thunder.

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid? 

Really? 

That's a loaded statement. 

Up until a couple of months ago I'd spent my life screaming, "I'M SO AFRAID, of everything!" I relate to Charlie Brown because of his anxiety. I still nod my head in agreement when Lucy helps Charlie figure out that he has pantophobia, THE FEAR OF EVERYTHING! :)

Tomorrow night I am singing this song at Cross Point's FIRST Worship Night. The chains of fear have been breaking in my life. Every day I feel one start to crack and crumble at my feet. The old self has gone, the new has come. I have butterflies in my stomach because I want to do this song justice and when I think about hundreds of people singing, "I'm Not Afraid, SHOW ME YOUR GLORY," I have to fight back tears! :)

Join us tomorrow night, November 17th at 7:00 PM (doors open at 6:30 PM)

at the Cross Point Nashville Campus

4301 Charlotte Ave 

Come ready to experience God's Glory and worship our Lord and Savior who is worthy to be praised!

Cultivate Her Day

It's a Cultivate Her blog post day! Click HERE to check out my thoughts on being "the best" and tour the blog to read more insightful posts from women leaders. This ministry is challenging and encouraging women to pursue great things!

When God Snapped His Fingers

My first job was at a Tanning Salon. I would go in after school and close up shop at the end of the night. I had lots of free time waiting for customers to arrive so I started reading my bible. That was the first time in my life that I read my bible on a consistent basis. My parents had just got divorced and I needed comfort. So what book did I start reading? 

Job. :)

I remember reading chapter after chapter wondering when this guys would catch a break and when his friends would shut up and be nice! I stuck with it and in chapter 38 the Lord speaks, 

^"1 Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

 ² “Who is this that obscures my plans
   with words without knowledge?
³ Brace yourself like a man;
   I will question you,
   and you shall answer me"

I pictured God snapping his fingers three times in a Z pattern saying, "I know you just didn't!" 

:)

He proceeds to declare who He is and what He can do. At the time, it felt good to know that God was bigger than my circumstances.

 ⁸ “Who shut up the sea behind doors
   when it burst forth from the womb,
⁹ when I made the clouds its garment
   and wrapped it in thick darkness,
¹⁰ when I fixed limits for it
   and set its doors and bars in place,
¹¹ when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
   here is where your proud waves halt’?"

After two chapters of God explaining how awesome he is, Job makes his first reply. I am sure his knees were shaking. His voice cracking,

 ⁴ “I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?
   I put my hand over my mouth.
⁵ I spoke once, but I have no answer—
   twice, but I will say no more.” 

The Lord continues to describe His majesty. Then Job has thought about what he wants to say and is ready to answer,

 ² “I know that you can do all things;
   no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
   Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
   things too wonderful for me to know.

 ⁴ “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
   I will question you,
   and you shall answer me.’
⁵ My ears had heard of you
   but now my eyes have seen you.
⁶ Therefore I despise myself
   and repent in dust and ashes.”

Not long after I started reading the bible and forming a true relationship with God, I graduated high school and left home for college. 

-People distracted me from Him

-New opportunities distracted me from Him

-Anger and bitterness distracted me from Him

For many years I was obsessed with independence and control. I lived as if I set the world in motion.

I read these chapters for the 2nd time yesterday, 10 years after I first read them. As soon as my eyes scanned verse 6 of chapter 42, my heart dropped.

I am currently seeking surrender but all I could say after reading that verse was, "I repent God. I repent for all those years I lived as if you were not God and I repent for the moments in the days, weeks and years to come when I will not submit to Your authority. Forgive me Lord."

I love it when scriptures come alive and minister to you in different stages of life. Today, I am thankful God is bigger than my circumstances, He is in control and I am not.

"It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I've finally seen"

:)

Kelly Clarkson, Miss Independent

Yeah, like Garden State

If there was a movie that would best describe what my life as a musical is like, it would be Garden State. Not because of the story line, but because it is a good mix of comedy, drama, heartache and inspiration.

"Zach Braff describes the themes of the movie as "love, for lack of a better term. And it's a movie about awakening. It's a movie about taking action. It's a movie about how life is short, go for it now."

I love to make people laugh.

I am DRAMATIC. :)

I've had my share of heartache.

 

I have been inspired by many and hope to inspire others. 

 

What movie or musical is most like your life?

"I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In Your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on . . ."

Lifehouse, Broken

GUMBY

My fear of clay animation started when I saw Mr. Bill holding a butcher knife on Saturday Night Live. Gumby gave me the creeps.

As a Project Manager, I get very tense and annoyed when plans change.

I am working on being more flexible.

So when I get fired up about a change of plans, I tell myself to be flexible like Gumby. I guess he's not so bad.

 I think I might need a different sidekick though. Pokey just doesn't sound right. :)

Girls Night!

Last month I started my first Girls Night with the female music team volunteers at Cross Point. This is a time where we can encourage and spend quality time with one another. It is also a place where we can dialog about where the music ministry is headed and how we can confidently lead people to WANT to worship a God who loves them.

This gathering began out of my journey of living many years in a state of discouragement. I have always battled insecurities, especially in the area of my gifts and abilities. Even if I succeeded at some things musically, I held on to every "No" I received and replayed those failures in my head. When I moved to Nashville, I felt as though I could never measure up. When I auditioned for the music team in the spring of 2006 I was asked to serve in KidStuff and Charge. I served on the Sunday worship team only a handful of times and always compared myself to everyone on the team and beat myself up if I missed a note. 

This attitude hindered my ability to lead. 

When I was asked to join the staff at Cross Point in the Spring of 2007, I can remember putting the music schedule together, wishing I could sing a special or lead a song. I was serving in KidStuff weekly and Charge a couple of times a month but that wasn't good enough for me. 

My heart was discouraged. 

The turning point came when Jarrod explained the audition process before we hosted our first audition together. He said that every ministry on the music team is important and people should serve with open, willing hearts. 

SLAP IN THE FACE! 

I was leading this team and had the wrong motivation and attitude. I started to change my mindset. Jenni would hold me accountable and praise me when she saw growth. I realized that no matter where God has me I need to serve with my whole heart. God began to open doors for me to grow and learn. The chains are slowly breaking so I can lead people to experience HIM! My heart is now open, vulnerable and awakened. I am so proud of our team of vocalists for serving in (formerly) KidStuff, FX, Sunday worship, Choir and Charge. And for not just doing that at ONE campus but MANY!

As I shared my story with the girls on our team, I could see their guards go down. Many of them felt the same way I did. This has become an unspeakable struggle. 

We do the following things:
-Suck it up and bury our feelings 
-Try harder until we . . .
-Quit trying 

-Resist honest feedback and growth

-Get jealous

-Become critical

-Wish we sounded like ______
 

What Girls Night looks like:

*The foundation of our time together is Galatians 6:4-5 
"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." 

*We each have a girl on the team to encourage and pray for.

*We will send encouraging notes to other music teams in the Nashville area and beyond!

*We are studying the Bible together using the Life Journal plan. We can't grow as worship leaders if we aren't growing spiritually!

*We will discuss ways to prepare when we are leading.

*We will learn about the foundation and intention of worship through song and how we can lead to the best of our ability.

Tonight is our 2nd Girls Night and I am so excited to see God continue to tear down walls in this group of talented volunteers. 

Thanks for your prayers and support!

Journals

Today I gave my sweet friend Moriah a journal for her birthday. I encouraged her to write out her thoughts, prayers, dreams, and musical aspirations.

I had a moment of sadness giving it to her because I lost all of my journals in the flood. When I was Moriah's age my journals were all about boys. :) But as the years went by I used them to articulate my prayers, memorize scriptures and write songs. I loved to read my old journals and see where God had taken me!

I had the opportunity to sit in all the services today. I was able to let go and worship without distraction. During Blake's prayer he challenged us to praise God for the mountains we are facing.

My head was pounding. 

During the next time of praise, lines from my journal started coming back to me.

I remembered a line from a poem I wrote 10 years ago when I first started having chronic pain. I had hoped to make it into a song:

"Even though my body is battered and weak

I will not let it contain 

Your love within me."

I was thankful the Lord reminded me of the mountains I had overcome AND He is still with me on the mountains I am currently facing.

God, thank you for being SOVEREIGN.

Psychology, Music and Mass Communications

I entered college as a Psychology Major and a Music Minor. I wanted to be a counselor or a music teacher. I am terrible at math and science, so I failed miserably in my first psychology classes and theory 1. 2nd semester of my freshman year I dropped the music minor and tried to stay afloat in my psychology courses.

At the beginning of my sophomore year my mom asked if I ever thought about the media/communications field. I did some research and 2nd semester of my sophomore year I became a Mass Communications major and a Psychology minor. :)

I fell in love with the communications field. I enjoyed public relations and advertising the most and was able to use what I learned in psychology to determine target markets and trends. 

I was challenged one day with this question, "How do you expect to make a difference for Christ when you'll work in a field where ethics are constantly challenged and your job is to make things appear better than they really are?" 

Well, when you put it that way . . . I didn't have an answer. 

I graduated college in 2005 and pursued a career in the public relations field. 

No luck. 

But something happened in the Spring of 2007. I got a call from Jenni Catron at Cross Point about a job opening in the creative department.

3 1/2 years ago I started my journey at Cross Point managing and equipping the music and production teams and helping out with media/communications. I spend my days as a project manager, managing all of the marketing, print, & web jobs our department produces for the church. We help with creative direction for series. We also consult other ministry areas on how to market their events and projects. :)

I recently connected with one of my professors from OBU and was able to share that I get to use the things I studied in college in a church setting. Today I can say with confidence that my job in the mass communications field makes a difference for Christ.

Alanis an Inspiration?

I will never forget the first time I heard Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill album. My musical soul was awakened and her sound has greatly influenced mine. I discovered the Jagged Little Pill acoustic album a couple of years ago. There is a haunting version of "Mary Jane."

I listened to the lyrics for the first time. I felt the Lord speaking to me:

"Tell me Miranda, what's the matter?  Why do you roam this earth aimlessly?  Why do you waste this life and invest in things that drain your heart?"

The song shifts when she sings, "You're a sweet crusader." 

This is the turning point. 

This is when you start walking towards to light with purpose, falling at the Lord's feet.

"Mary Jane"
What's the matter Mary Jane, had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it

I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for

Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears

You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane...

"Still there's one thing that comforts me since I was always caged and now I'm free!"

Foo Fighters, Monkey Wrench